Let It Rain
by Sable19
Summary: In the rain, I could sob out loud instead of just inside my soul. And so I did; I let myself open up and I cried out my pain as my mind was assaulted by the grave mistakes I had made. A story of unrequited love. Sesshomaru/Kagome. Character death. One sho


(Okay, a couple of warnings before you read this. The two main characters are Kagome and Sesshomaru. If you don't like love between them, leave now. This is about unrequited love. It's painful. There's also a character death. If these things bother you, please leave. I don't want flames about this fanfic.)

I looked up at the dark clouds that hovered above my head. They rumbled and rolled, like angry waves beating against a weak shore. I knew that there was a storm coming; I could smell it in the air. Soon people around me would be scurrying to safety, hiding from the cold water droplets that pricked their skin. But me? I would continue to sit on the bench in the middle of the park. I had no place to go. I belonged no where. My home wasn't my haven; my haven wasn't my home.

As the water started cascading down, the cold didn't penetrate the numbness of my soul. My arms lay listless at my side and my head hung down. I didn't have the strength to lift it anymore. I didn't have strength. My will to live had left me long ago. These days, everything was a blur; I got up in the morning, did schoolwork with my mom, talked to my friends, then went to bed. I had long ago caught up in my studies, so my homework was easy now. The numbers no longer plagued me, and my dreams of getting perfect grades had come true. But really; was it worth it?

I could smell the rain in the air, and my mind flew back to the last day that I had been truly happy. It was raining then too, but I enjoyed the rain then. It brought with it the promise of life and hope, and that was something we needed. I was with my friends, and they held me up when I felt like falling. My heart was filled with love and happiness. I thought then that everything was perfect. And it was. Until he showed up.

When he did, my world shattered. I had known for a long time that I needed to tell him how I felt. So I did. I told him how my heart beat for him alone, and how I had loved him since I first met him. I waited to see what he would say, but he just stared at me with cold eyes. He never said a word to me; just turned and left me standing there. I followed him for a spell, hoping to hear something from him. I think the moment I finally realized that he didn't care about me was when he tried to attack me with his poison whip. If not for Inuyasha, I would have been killed. But it didn't matter; that was the day my happiness died.

I tried to go on in happiness, but inside, I was falling apart. I started spending more and more time alone and pushed my friends away. They understood and gave me space, but it wasn't fair. It was wrong. I cried myself to sleep nightly, knowing that I was hurting everyone who cared about me. So, to make it easier on them, I decided to leave and return to my time. I was begged not to, as I expected, but I couldn't stay. I hugged and kissed them all goodbye, then walked with Inuyasha to the well. We were the closest; I was as much his best friend as he was mine. I hugged him tightly before I asked him to tell Sesshomaru how sorry I was. I never saw the expression on his face; I jumped into the well with tears in my eyes and made my final journey home.

It was good to be home. I spent time with my family, got to know my friends again, and went on dates with Hojo. But as time passed, I felt my heart getting weaker and weaker. Life became a routine that I followed like a robot. Nothing mattered anymore; nothing matters still.

I was soaked from head to toe, and I still didn't get up to leave. Instead, I shifted to lie down on the bench. I stretched out and felt the cold liquid pelt my body from head to toe. The tears that I had held back finally leaked out and mixed with the rain, hiding my pain and sadness from the world once again. In the rain, I could sob out loud instead of just inside my soul. And so I did; I let myself open up and I cried out my pain as my mind was assaulted by the grave mistakes I had made.

My first mistake was loving someone like Sesshomaru. His cold attitude and empty heart should have been my first clue, but I ignored them. My second was telling him. I should have bottled everything up inside forever. And my greatest mistake, I thought as I lifted my arm and looked at it, was thinking that I could take away the pain. The scars were white and ugly, jagged slashes of my misery and anger at my heart. It had seemed so easy at first, to simply take something sharp and cut myself. The first time was an accident, I remember. I was playing with scissors and dropped them on my arm, cutting it. Since then it was a habit.

At first, it had helped. I felt the pain through my numbness. But, like everything else, it stopped passing through my shell. My mother knew about it; I never hid the cuts on my arms. I wasn't ashamed of them at all. After everything I had been through, shame just didn't fit in. After awhile, people stopped asking. My friends were worried, but they couldn't do anything. Even Hojo stopped asking me out. I was glad in some ways, but I became sad and lonely quickly.

Everything had changed when I collapsed in school. They had taken me to the hospital to see what was wrong. I knew what was wrong, of course; I had given up on life. I hated living with the heartache and pain; I wanted to die. The doctors said that my heart was weakening due to stress. They took me out of school and put me on bedrest. My mom started to home school me, and I was glad for her company. She wanted to help me, but I couldn't let her know what was wrong with me. I didn't want to hear her tell me to cheer up or that I would find someone new. I didn't want to see her worry over me. I played dumb, and I know now that it was wrong. But it didn't matter.

I placed my hand on my chest. I could barely feel my slow heartbeat. Time was running out. I closed my eyes and pictured my friends that I loved so much. I would miss them, and I know that they missed me. I thought of my family and apologized to them in my mind. And I thought of the one person I loved as thunder rumbled in the sky. I opened my mouth and whispered the name of the one who hated me as much as I loved him.

"Sesshomaru-sama."

The world suddenly went quiet. Time stood still. I was dying, and I knew it. I was happy to go. The world would be a happier place without me. I opened my eyes to see the sky one last time, and I smiled for the first time in many months.

"My heart gives me my last desire," I mumbled with my remaining strength.

Sesshomaru walked a few steps closer to the bench. He went down to one knee and looked at me. His eyes were still cold and emotionless, but they were focused on me for once. His mouth was set in a straight line, as if he was annoyed, and it pleased me. If he was annoyed at me, at least he was thinking of me. I shut my eyes and wandered further into the darkness. His voice brought me back.

"How can you love me?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him with love. "Because you are you, Sesshomaru-sama," I said quietly.

His face didn't change, but he continued to watch me. After a moment, he asked me his last question.

"Why?"

I didn't have to ask what he meant; I knew. He wanted to know why I had given up. I thought for a moment of how to tell him, and as I did, I felt raindrops on my cheek. A song I had heard once flashed through my mind and I smiled as I recalled the words. Using that last ounce of strength I had I reached out with my hand and touched his cheek. It was soft, like a swan's belly. I smiled and closed my eyes again, continuing my way into oblivion as my last words left my lips.

"I'm not afraid of dying. It's something we all do. But I was scared to death of living the rest of my life without you."

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Dark clouds covered the skies again. The heavens rumbled as the coffin of a young girl was lowered into the ground. Her family and friends wept nearby with misery. She had lived only seventeen years, such a short time. She was full of hope and love for everyone she knew, and only one person knew that she held none for herself. As the grave was filled in people started to leave. Pretty soon the only people standing there were her mother, brother and grandfather. They turned as he approached the grave. He read the tombstone.

_Here Lies __Higurashi Kagome_

_Beloved Daughter, Sister and Granddaughter_

_May She Find Peace in The Next World_

_July 2, 1981 – September 18, 1998_

Sesshomaru stared at the grave for a few minutes. He was not a person of emotions; he was a great demon lord that defeated everyone who stood in his path. He did not need, nor did he want, the love of a mortal girl. But he had it; knowing that this girl had died because of her love for him would travel with him until his grave. He couldn't lie to himself; he did not love the young miko. He never had. And he probably never would. To lie to himself would be an insult to her memory.

He stepped forward and placed something on the top of her grave marker. He stepped back and turned to face her family. For the first time, an emotion was shown on his face. Regret was buried deep in his features, and his eyes were filled with sorrow for Kagome. He looked lost, like he didn't know what to do. Kagome's mother looked back at the tombstone and noticed the flowers that the demon lord had placed there; purple and white hyacinths. With tears forming in her eyes, she stepped forward and touched Sesshomaru's arm. He smiled at her sadly before turning and leaving the graveyard.

Mrs. Higurashi turned back to her daughter's grave and shed silent tears as rain started to fall from the sky. She tilted her head up and felt the water cover her face, washing away the tears. She spread her arms out and took a deep breath.

"Let it rain."

(Okay, all finished. A few little notes. The last thing Kagome says and the last line are lines in a song called "Let It Rain" by Jason Michael Carroll. It's a wonderful song. I edited one part, but that's it. It's not mine. I am not sure if Kagome's birthday is correct or not, but I found it on a site that cited a reference book of some kind about her, so I'm hoping it's correct. And lastly, the flowers. Purple hyacinths mean 'I am sorry. Please forgive me." White hyacinths mean 'I will pray for you.' Both of these flowers show that Sesshomaru did care, in the end. Please leave me a review.)


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